46 days to go....

 Today I have spent it swimming, reading, writing, listening, and thinking. The above quote stirs my heart and mind into so many thoughts and feelings. Its interesting to see how you think you are so passionate about something to only realise it was a stepping stone to something so much more. I thought my passion for triathlon was so much deeper than what it was, I didn't have a true understanding of myself then. I thought I knew what I wanted and why, but I was still in the midst of an eating disorder and its treatment.

Yes I could train six days a week and sort of know what I was doing and why, but its now that I am so much further in my recovery and into my swimming and understanding so much more about myself and my true passions in life and how to use them. I have 46 days till the Rottnest Channel Swim, with hope of a calm day weather wise, I know within my heart and mind that if it is rough that I will do everything in my power to swim the 20 kilometers to Rottnest Island within 10 hours.

I have a lot of people ask me why I am doing this, I usually say because I can, and want to. Which is a bit of a flippant attitude. I sat thinking today that what I have managed to get through with coming to terms with an eating disorder, nearly loosing my life 9 years ago, learning to understand who I truly am. I can say I am doing the swim to show that I can recover for a mental illness that I still carry with me but am recovering every day further and further. To know I am seeing my weight gain as a truly positive aspect of my life and that I can share this with other girls and women to see that being skinny isn't what its all made out to be.

I have managed to drop some of my attitude barriers as I call them, by not being so independent that never let anyone help me, even though there are times when I still feel that I am more than capable of doing so much, but are less resistant to peoples offer of help. The one thing growing up that I was actually taught, was to think about yourself and to be able to do a lot of things on your own. We all go through different things in our lives and its up to ourselves to understand why, what and how to deal with what we go through. These I have found to be the biggest lessons in life that we are to learn from and if we get the chance to share and help others.

Training is going really well for the swim, with upping the anti to six days a week of pool swimming and some open water swimming and yes being stung by stingers (jellyfish), its all part of the training process to a degree, but not one of the most pleasant parts, especially when you have stingers all over you face and leaves you a stunning red mark on your cheek. I have a giggle when people look at the stings on me and then question "why?" I say because I enjoy it, not the stingers but the feeling of being free in the water, going with the waves and seeing the sand below you patterned by the water and then stirred up by the waves that are above the sand. Some days are calmer than others and no matter you feel like you are one with the ocean at the time.

Learning to relax in the water is a special part of swimming in the ocean, people tend to be on guard thinking a shark will come by, or something else that might hurt them. I always go into the water with such a deep seated respect for the water and the ocean life that is there. If I am to be nibbled on by a shark and not survive then so be it, I can say I would go doing something that makes me happy and free, though I am more likely to be involved in a car accident that be taken by a shark, even though Perth has had a large number of sightings up and down the coast over the past few weeks.

We all have dreams, some of us are prepared to chase them and make the true, others might sit back and wait for the right time, I am a chaser, and always will be. I ask that you to be a chaser of your dreams and make them come true, because we are here to live our lives to the fullest, and make our dreams come true, or we would not have be given them in the first place.

Have an awesome week, and dream big...

Hayley xx