Over the last few months I have come to understand myself better. This time two years ago, I was over exercising, under eating and thought I was happy, when I was in the worst place in my life. Being ruled by an eating disorder and drive to be thin and still run, swim and cycle each day and living on junk food to fuel my body.
Today I am the healthiest I can be physically and mentally. I have learnt hard lessons on the importance of believing in myself and not having to find acceptance in anyone else. I have learnt that I don't have to push my body to the ends of the earth in order to reach my goals. I am honest with myself when I want to reach certain goals and work out the best and healthiest way to get to these goals and dreams.
At my lowest weight I was 38kg, with being sick with Coeliacs Disease and and eating disorder. Today I am a healthy 53.5kg and gaining. I have the goal to swim 20km open water (Rottnest Channel Swim) in just over 12 months, in order to be in peak condition to swim this distance and also qualify I need to be weighing in at 60kg. I have never been this weight without being pregnant. So for me this is a big thing. I am trying to gain the weight slowly so I don't become overwhelmed by it. I am under the supervision of a dietitian as I need her advice, I am taking a weight gainer which is 1000 calories per serve. I am also eating 3 meals a day and trying to put in snacks as well. I am supposed to be eating high protein meals. The idea is to gain good solid muscle mass and also a little body fat.
Since stopping my triathlon training and just focusing on my swimming and strength training I feel more relaxed with myself and more comfortable with what I am capable of doing and accomplishing. I am glad that I did the Busselton 70.3 Triathlon last year, though I am also very glad that I have found the love of swimming and being able to put my time and focus into one discipline, while I also stay on the road to recovery of my eating disorder. I am reminded to not over train, take things slowly....I am doing that, I have never taken things in my life as slowly as I do now. I try to make sure I have a day to recover during the week, and pace my training in the pool and in the gym.
I hope that one day I will be able to help other girls that are battling eating disorders and are ready to take the road to recovery and understand that being skinny isn't healthy and that being healthy and having good muscle tone and some weight on is better.
So as it is my rest day today, it is time for me to get some well needed sleep, so I am ready for another swim session tomorrow morning.
Have a great day...believe in yourself and see just how far you can go....
Hayley xx
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