Life Experiences are Lessons in Life...

 The Universe has a great way of showing us our path in life, it might come in small exerts, like in a book, where you see parts but not all of it.

Today I had that happen when talking to a someone about what I would like to do with my life experience and personal training qualifications. I want to help others who are dealing with their own eating disorder demons, from those who have anorexia, bulimia, and to the other end of the spectrum of over eating. I would like to put a program together for schools, as I believe that is really a starting point for young people when it comes to dealing with body image.

I look back on my time in high school and the torment that went on in so many different areas, of body image, and levels of experience with boys and so many other areas of teenage life. I found it difficult as I was wanting to be part of the "in" crowd, but really didn't fit into that area. Its interesting how later in life when you go to school reunions and the ones you see that were part of the "in" crowd recognise you and by name as well, so I guess you can still be a someone who stands out just in a different way.

As much as school was part of my eating disorder issues so were things at home, and my own way of dealing with my circumstances. Even as an adult with anorexia and dealing with being ill from coeliac disease, to needing to have so much control over my life that even included the amount of exercise I was doing and the way I ate, or didn't eat, the way I looked, and thinking I could run faster with less weight, when really I was hurting myself so much and do deeply. I was also hurting my husband and kids as well in the process of my eating disorder. I remember going to see a GP about some issues I had, and before leaving his office asked what would be the best way to gain weight as I was becoming involved in doing triathlon. I was told not to worry as he thought I had good muscle tone, and it didn't go any further than that.

So I continued on my merry way, with only eating a little bit each day and exercising up to twice a day, and throwing in "junk miles" on my days off of work to keep the happy endorphin's going to keep me feeling good about myself. Endorphin's became my drug of choice, so to speak, that high feeling that came naturally from swimming and running, I kind of got it from cycling, more at then end of a ride than during it, especially the long rides that hurt. Running was my go to exercise where I could put my music on and just go and pound the pavement, sweat and feel great. I could pump out 10 kilometers and feel awesome for the rest of the day, though I would come back home and drink heaps of water and sports drinks, but wouldn't refuel properly. Then I would go to work and really be to tired to eat much for dinner. Which then became a crazy cycle day in day out.

I was hooked on triathlon and the fun I got from different training sessions, but as I progressed through, I was finding I needed to see a dietitian to get some information on eating for this endurance sport. I remember the first visit to see Dr Mary Slater (Nourish, Nutrition, Health and Fitness). I was a little excited, yet nervous at the same time. I was looking for information on the best diet to have for endurance sports. Well I was asked a very particular question by Dr Slater during this first session..."did I think I had an eating disorder?" I automatically said "no", I was then asked to think about this and the information I was given at that appointment. I went back a week later for my second appointment with Dr Slater and was asked the same question as last time..."did I think I had an eating disorder?" This time I said, "yes". What had made me realise that I wasn't right? I sat and thought about my life for that week and drew up and diagram with boxes and words and what things meant to me. I used this tool for a long time during my time with Dr Slater and also my psychologist, I could put my thoughts into perspective and the day I realised why I had an eating disorder was the turning point to a healthy life and leaving my eating disorder. Yes I had to make some drastic changes that some people didn't like or understand, but for my health and mental state it had to be done.

Since making the positive changes to my life, I have managed to gain 8 kilograms over 2 years, which for me is amazing, and there is more to gain, and with great support from family and friends I will continue to live a very healthy life and hopefully get the chance to help or even prevent other girls going through what I did for nearly 30 years.

We all go through different things in our lives that we can use to help others to heal or see that they to  can come out the other side and live productive and amazing lives. Its a matter of making choices and following your heart and not what others think is best for us, we need to know in our hearts that we are worth so much.

Have a great day.

Hayley xx

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