Dreams become Reality...

At what point does a dream become reality? Is it when you write your plan for your dream down, or is it when you start putting your dream in to actuality and start preparing or working on it? Its easy enough to say...I dream of doing a half Ironman, but is it from the day your write that dream down that its reality? or is it the time you start your first training session, or is it when you step over the finishing mat that your dream is a reality?

I guess for everyone it could be different parts of their journey to the reality of their dream. I guess in sport its usually when you step over the finish line you can say...I dreamed of doing (.....) and today I accomplished my dream. I guess it could be the same if you had a dream to write a book, is it when the book is published that you have made your dream a reality, or is it in the journey of writing the words?

I have a dream of becoming a Personal Trainer, and yes I would have reached my dream and made it a reality when I get a piece of paper to say I am qualified, but its the journey of learning how to be the best Personal Trainer I can be will be the end result for me, and its the same when I am training for a triathlon. All the disciplines that you train individually, then put them all together on the day become one sport. During the training process you see your dream, you visualize your dream and on race day, accomplish your dream.

 No matter what your dreams, may your journey be filled with different experiences that when you have reached and brought your dream to fruition that you have learnt more about yourself and just how strong you really are.

Enjoy your day/night

Hayley xx

Back following the black line...

 Back following the black line...

 Being back in the water today following the black line was amazing. Jumping in with the initial feeling of cool water on the body, then focusing on the water, every stroke and breath. In the back of my mind the feeling of the foot, and making sure I didn't use it when doing my flip turns. Skimming through the water, I felt like I was free again, and able to switch off, well try to anyway. I think at one point I was just in the zone of going up an down the lane with ease. Also its one of the few swims I have done that I haven't had my Garmin on to keep count for me. I have to admit it was kind of nice.

The foot started to ache about 45 minutes into the swim and at that point I decided it was time to jump out of the water, feeling happy and relaxed and also starting to feel hungry, which is always a good sign of a good swim. The funny part was driving home through heavy traffic, I was singing to my favourite music and not caring if anyone around me heard. I was in just an awesome mood. That is the thing with swimming for me, and hopefully if I get a chance to get back running. Cycling not as much, but even prepared to get back on the bike in the new year and get some kilometers done again.

After doing some reading last night on some supplements to help me with endurance and recovery I decided to buy some BCAA which has L-Leucine, Citrulline Malate, Beta Alanine, L-Isoleucine, L-Valine. These are amino acids to help build muscle, sustain energy and recovery for the muscles. So with a good balanced diet and some supplements my training can only get better, recover better and feel better as well.

If I get the go ahead to run again, even if that is within the next 12 months I am prepared to look at my triathlon training again, with a new coach. So until I am allowed to run it will be me the water, my bike and the gym to build the best and healthiest body I can. I don't want another week like the past one. I know just how easy it is to revert back to not eating and not looking after myself, so from here its all systems go for a better, healthier and happier me.

Have a good one...
Hayley xx

A better day...

This afternoon has become so much better than it was this morning, almost a complete melt down, with it being day seven of no exercise I think I hit a point where I felt like emotionally I needed to implode, or explode. When your exercise is your way of dealing with emotional issues, and that is taken away from you, even temporarily life can get awfully difficult and I become a not nice person, I get grumpy, and generally ignore everyone around me. This has a bit to do with the eating disorder habits that I used to use, and when put in the current situation tend to go back to.

Luckily enough I have been given the green light to go to the gym tonight to do upper body, chest and abs and then I can start swimming again using a pool buoy so my feet don't move. This news has made me feel so much happier. I now know that I can't go without any form of exercise for more than a couple of days without it affecting me emotionally.

That feeling of shear determination comes in many ways and forms. I have had to be extremely determined to not let myself relapse into bad eating habits, even if I have managed to piss off people with my attitude. Have I managed to stay on top of a relapse happening? yes. Did I come close to relapsing? yes. The inner determination to not let a relapse happen can take almost every ounce of mental energy that one has. I understand it is very difficult for others who have not been through an eating disorder like anorexia to find this difficult to understand. I have been trying to stay outwardly positive with my customers that come into work, tried the same with friends and family, and I don't think it has been that successful. I am sorry to those whom I have mistreated over the past few weeks.

So I guess it is onward and upward from today on with going to the gym tonight for a little sweat session just to get the head into the right place and then a good solid swim tomorrow. I have also just ordered my Christmas present from my hubby today, a waterproof iPod. I am going to have to sort out a playlist that won't make me sing too much while swimming, I don't want to drink the whole 50 meter pool contents. I was thinking something a little lighter and easy listening.

Have an awesome week everyone.

Hayley xx

Fighting inner demons....

 Today I am struggling to find my inner strength. Day four of no exercise, this would be the longest time in about 8 years I have gone without any form to exercise, even walking. I can honestly say this is difficult.

As someone who is still trying to stay positive through my eating disorder recovery this is not easy. I don't have my normal avenues to relax my mind and deal with things as I normally would, and yes exercise is part of that for me. I am trying to maintain good eating habits with an inner battle sending off flares to say...hey you are going to gain weight, that isn't good. I am trying extremely hard to not let that voice get any louder.

This is the first time in ages that I have been forced not to do any exercise, and its totally foreign to me. Which I am sure some people would find that difficult to understand. I am enjoying the sleep ins in the mornings, though not enjoying the inability to take my dog for a walk, or just to go for a walk myself. I know I need to rest but my mind needs the availability to move the body, to get the endorphin's to get the blood pumping, to get that natural high.

This quote to the right says it all when I am in the water. I do feel free, alive, tired, calm, and so much more. That feeling of being free is amazing, just you the water and your strength to keeping going when you really want to stop. The thoughts that go through your mind can be amazing and strange, like when I did my 3.5km swim session the other week. I got to about 2.5km and was thinking of dinner, what tattoo I was going to have next, what I wanted for Christmas, and many other things. My mind has a tendency not to be quiet, always something going through it, unless I am asleep and that even depends on whether I am dreaming.

Now normally I don't swim with music on, but have decided I would like a waterproof iPod for Christmas so I can have my music playing while I swim, though have thought that as I am someone who likes to sing, I hope I don't do it while swimming or I might drown...or end up drinking lots of pool water. I contacted my physiotherapist tonight via Facebook and asked if I could maybe swim next week if I use my pool buoy, no answer yet, as I feel like I am going bonkers not being able to. By using the pool buoy it will allow my feet to stay still, and only use my upper body, or if I am not allowed, I will go to the gym and do upper body training and some abs. I just need to do something.

Hayley xx

Hope...Faith...Courage...

Day two of being in a moon-boot to stop my foot from moving and putting more stress on my sesamoid bones. Yesterday was long and some what painful at times, and as was today. I am sure each day will get better as the inflammation starts to settle. I am sure the universe is trying to tell me very loudly, as are some family and friends have been trying to tell me for a while now, I need to slow down a bit.

As some one who is extremely active, this time of being still (slowed down) isn't easy, and in fact is taking a lot of energy to keep from lapsing into bad eating habits and trying to control my food intake, as I am likely over the coming weeks to gain weight a little easier than normal due to no exercise at all. This is where my Hope, my Faith and my Courage to become stronger over time mentally and physically. A good friend of mine today said I need to use this time to gain the weight, and when I have the chance to get back into training I will be stronger.

I was told yesterday by my sports physician that I might be able to go back to running once we have this foot all sorted out. Initially I thought it was great, and slowly today have realized that as much as I love running, I will only do short runs if I am able to, no more than 5 km and spend my time in the pool pushing lap after lap to build my distances and times ready for next season (2015/16). I will still be doing my final swim in February, 3.6 kilometers, which will be exciting and to be able to then spend quality time training for longer distances for next season. Also spending time in the gym building good body strength, as I await my new book called Strength Training for Faster Swimming. So there is the positives in a negative situation.

I am seeing that there are times when we might need to changed the path we walk, and yes lay a new one. I also believe things happen for a reason, I am just a bit of a slow learner with some of them. I won't say I won't get frustrated over the next few weeks, with no training, and a busy time at work, and I am likely to be a little short tempered as well. I just need to have the inner faith that all will be ok and I will be back in the pool and gym soon enough.

As I find the courage and strength with in myself to stay focused on healing my foot, and making sure I get some rest, and that in time I will be back in the water doing what I love.

Have a great day/night and may we all find Hope, Faith and Courage to continue to dream, rest and play.

Hayley xx

Go the Distance...

Journey

a traveling from one place to another, usually taking a rather  longtime; trip:

a distance, course, or area traveled or suitable for traveling:

a period of travel:

passage or progress from one stage to another:

So where does our journey's take us? Our career, sport, family, travelling, life. Its true we are the holders to the key of our journey. We are the ones that make the decision of which avenue to take on our journey. Yes we have others in our lives that can help to direct us, but really in the end we are the only ones that take the twists and turns on our journey. 

We all experience different things on our journeys, change in career, people we work with, injury in sport, trying a new sport, coaches. Family well that is forever changing, new additions and sad losses. Travelling, just opens up a whole world of new experiences with total strangers.

My daughter showed me the film clip from Hercules with this song, and I searched for the lyrics, they are amazing. Also sung by Michael Bolton.

"Go The Distance"

I have often dreamed, of a far off place

Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me

Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face

And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance

I will find my way, if I can be strong

I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while

When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you

And a thousand years, would be worth the wait

It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back, I can go the distance

And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat

It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope

Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part

For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance

I will search the world, I will face its' harms

I don't care how far, I can go the distance

Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

I will search the world, I will face its harms

Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

Out of Action...Not Going to Quit.....

Today started out to be not a pleasant one. Feeling down and grumpy after only 30 minutes in the pool this morning, due to foot being extremely sore. The frustration of the pain, not being able to do much at all, and walking well that is done hobbling and so going to the gym really isn't going to help, just can't put pressure on the foot.

So I sit at my desk, with a plate full of salad and cold meat (ham and salami) typing, with Phil Collins playing in the background, trying to pick myself up and see how I can turn this frustration and grumpiness into something a little more positive. So with deciding not to go to swimming training tonight, which is feeling so alien to me, I at least have given myself some time to blog, work on my website and write my book.

Now I am normally a very positive person, but when I get to a point of not being able to exercise or even being able to take my Golden Retriever for a walk, I have a tendency to loose the plot a little bit. So this is what I might be looking at in regards the foot is, another cortisone injection with it being either in a boot, or cast to keep it immobilized to allow it to heal properly, as I am on my feet about 90% of the day. So it will be interesting to see what the plan, is and the time that I won't be able to do any training.

 This is the time when I need to find things that make me laugh, like the quote to the left here. Even as I am typing I am having a chuckle, at least for a bit it takes my mind off the pain.

Its hard not to think of what I will do after I find out what treatment I will have, will I be able to do swimming, will I have to rest for weeks, oh I hope not, I don't think my family will like that. I get to the point of being extremely grumpy when I haven't done exercise. I had been 4 days since I last did a proper training session not including this mornings 30 minutes. So the endorphin's aren't getting the boost through the body and mind that I feel like I need. I have for a long time felt the happiest when I have had an endorphin rush, it just makes me feel awesome and happy. I know that isn't the healthiest way to be happy, but for me it has worked for so long, but seeing that when I am injured and need extended time off I get the grumps really badly. But previously I was able to still go walking long distances, or walk the dog, or just get out and do things, but this time is different, I am at a complete stand still. So this is all very new.

Ok so here are the positives, I get to focus on my weight gain that I need in order to do the Perth to Rottnest Swim in a couple of years, which will then allow me to have the energy and strength to get back in to my training when I am able to. It also allows me to focus on my writing, website some study and research.

So as a little pick me up, its me my computer, chocolate coated honeycomb and water. Hope everyone has a better week than me and I will let you all know how things go on Wednesday with specialist.

Hayley xx